We’ve all heard of the iPod, iPhone, iMac and iTunes. Here are a few Apple iProducts that you may not know. They will be hitting store shelves summer 2008.
iCan – Apple is breaking into the toilet market with the release of the new iCan. It’s a stand alone toilet system with an automatic cleaning cycle. It also has an automatic clog clearing system so you never have to worry about Uncle Billy Joe Jim Bob clogging the toilet ever again. It has an innovative turd sensing system that automatically adjust the water to the appropriate level needed to purge your excrement with a single flush. This new feature greatly reduces water waste and will help to lower your monthly water bill. With plug ins for your iPod and iPhone you can chat, surf the web, make a call, and listen to your favorite tunes all while pinching a loaf. Accessories: iPod, iPhone, iWipe
iWipe – An accessory for the iCan that takes the dirty work out of post poop duties. A gentle splash of water hits your bottom and a soft biodegradable next-gen toilet paper made from 100% recycled paper, glass, and aluminum products will leave you with a clean feeling like you haven’t felt since birth. A dab of rose scented baby powder is added for the final touch that will leave any future flatulence smelling like a dozen roses in baby’s breath. All this is done in the time it takes you to roll regular toilet paper for the old wiping process. The iWipe was designed for and is best used with the iCan however it can be retro-fitted to almost any toilet fixture in your home.
iSuck – Apple has decided to throw it’s hat into the Vacuum market with their newest product the iSuck. It’s a portable, lightweight, cordless vacuum with adjustable suction. It does everything for you. You simply turn it on and it auto detects the dirt levels in your home and goes to work. It also has iSpeakers and an iDock built in so that you can put your iPod in it and instead of the sound of a more traditional vacuum you will hear the sweet sounds of your favorite tunes while it makes your home sparkle. It never loses suction and never needs to be emptied. The contents that it vacuums up are recycled using the patented iMiniSupercollider which changes the molecular composition of your dirt into economical energy for the iSuck. It never needs a battery!
iRabbit – Apple has branched out into the Adult toy market with it’s version of the world famous “Rabbit” for women. In collaboration with the original “Rabbit” manufacturer Apple has been able to improve the product. It is a fully featured “Rabbit” with an iPod port. Using a digital sound vibration processor it analyzes the beats per minute of your favorite songs and adjusts the vibration to match the music. That’s right ladies and gentlemen it’s “Good Vibrations” like the Beach Boys never imagined! Don’t like the music? That’s okay. You can hook your iRabbit to your iMac and download hundreds of voice clips from our iGuys database using iTunes. This database has a wide variety of male voices from Brad Pitt and George Clooney to Borat and Boss Hogg. What ever you are into we have a voice clip that is sure to enhance your experience with the iRabbit. .99 cents per download, all voice clips are considered intellectual property and therefore protected using digital rights software. Illegal reproduction is strictly forbidden.
iRoadRage - A new aftermarket attachment for your car that hooks directly to your cars computer system. Included is a loud speaker that attaches easily under your hood for high decible production. This product saves you time and allows you tell other drivers exactly how you feel about thier driving without ever breaking your concentration on the road. Using pre-recorded phrases you can cuss out other drivers with the press of a button. Using voice overs from famous actors such as Al Pacino and Robert De Niro you can shout popular phrases like "HEY LADY, IT'S A CAR NOT A BEAUTY SALON!" and "HOW BOUT A SIGNAL YA D-BAG" and "HEY A-HOLE, HANG UP AND DRIVE WILL YA?!?" or "LEARN TO DRIVE YOU MORON!" and the ever popular "HEY F%*K STICK, BACK OFF BEFORE I SLAM ON MY BRAKES AND MAKE YOU EAT TAIL LIGHT!!!" You can even download customizable phrases you've created using iTunes. With this new product you are sure to be the envy of the roadway!
